Years ago, I declared I wouldn’t unfriend people because of the opinions they shared on social media. I also said you can have characters in a story whose opinions you disagree with. (I have one such character in Christina’s Portrait.) I even tried to reach out to folks across the aisle.
I could understand if you voted for Trump in 2016 and 2020. You might have been able to make a case about economic policy, overregulation, and the out-of-touch positions by the Democrats. But after the January 6 insurrection, four criminal indictments, 34 felony convictions, stolen classified documents, “They’re eating the dogs,” Project 2025, the clear alliances to Putin and white supremacists, and everything he’s done since he became president again, I can’t give you that grace anymore.
At this point, Trump supporters fall into these categories:
- Those who have compartmentalized their thinking so much, they can only focus on what benefits them and ignore the people suffering around them. It’s like drivers who pay so much attention to their navigation system, they don’t realize they’ve run somebody over.
- Those who are so encased in their Fox News bubble, they don’t recognize reality when it punches them in the face. They can lose their job because DOGE cancelled all their company’s government contracts, can’t get Medicaid and food assistance because Congress defunded those programs, can’t afford eggs because they’re $10 a dozen, and are too afraid to fly to a job interview because there’s a plane crash every week. But it’s all the fault of (checks notes) DEI.
- Those who realize how bad things are, but they don’t want to admit they made a terrible mistake. So they rationalize it, ignore the facts, pretend what’s happening isn’t really happening, and won’t watch the news because “It’s all too depressing.” No matter how bad things are or how much those closest to them are hurting, they’ll never own up to the consequences because “I’m a good person! I never do anything bad!”
- Those who are just plain hateful and get off on the misery of other people, even their own family members.
Any of these makes you a garbage person. But still, I was willing to get along with you, if only to to avoid marching off to some digital ghetto. I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t be friends with those who want to see my family and me dead. No, I’m not exaggerating.
I have family members who need anxiety medication. My brother is gay. I write novels that include characters from marginalized communities and cover difficult subjects. We’re Jewish, and we are well aware of what that “salute” by Elon Musk and Steve Bannon really meant. If the Trump/Musk regime had its way, I’d wind up in jail, my family members would be hauled off to “wellness camps,” and I hate to think what they’d do to the rest of my family.
The person I cannot forgive them hurting is my granddaughter. She has cerebral palsy, and she depends on Medi-Cal (Medicaid in California) for her ongoing therapy and regular medical care. You want to deny her this care, for what? How does it make your life better? Does it lower the price of gas? Will it help you get that $5,000 of DOGE money Trump promised you? (Ask Trump’s contractors and lawyers how good he is about keeping promises of payment.)
Empathy probably isn’t your strong suit right now, so I don’t expect you to care about some middle class family. You’re probably too busy firing off some angry response of why I’m wrong, and I shouldn’t be so quick to judge Trump or you. Fine. I’ll tell you what my mom said as a kid when she wanted me to face the consequences of my actions, “You made your bed, now sleep in it.”
We warned you. We told you what would happen. More than that, we offered you something better. We provided solutions for your problems. We gave you hope for the future. Our tent was open to everyone, including you. But you made the choice you made. Now, you have to live with the outcomes of that choice. Sure, we will all suffer from it. You might suffer the most of all.
Don’t come crying to me when grocery prices don’t come down, and your taxes go up. I’m not offering a shoulder to sob on when you lose your Social Security and Medicare. Can’t get your house repaired after the storm because the people who did that work got deported? Gee, that’s rough. Your child with an IEP loses their special education programs? Well, at least they won’t be reading those books about two dads. Can’t find a maternity ward within 1,000 miles? Um, sorry. Got polio because vaccines are for godless weenies? Sucks to be you. Enjoy your raw milk and hope you don’t get listeria.
Do I sound bitter, cold, and condescending? Well, to use another momism, “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. But some people have to learn the hard way.”
And I hope you learn. Humanity can’t survive many more stupid choices.
My offer from 2017 still stands, “If you change your mind, there’s a place for you to join us. You will be welcomed.” But at this point, you’ll need to do more than just change your mind. You must do what Germany did after World War II, some deep self-examination of how you got sucked into this collective psychopathy. You’ll need to deconstruct from a lot of addictive beliefs that caused you to lose your compassion, humanity, and common sense. This is necessary for us to rebuild our society and prevent this type of thing from ever happening again.
Until you’re willing to do this, we can’t disagree and still be friends.
Outstanding essay. You stated my beliefs as well as your own.