This mug is better than a $100,000 watch
Matthew Arnold Stern

Why a $22 mug is better than a $100,000 watch

  • My $22 mug actually exists.
  • My $22 mug holds coffee, which is a vital part of an author’s energy policy.
  • My $22 mug is union-made. It doesn’t come from a plant in Wyoming that also makes honey that supposedly cures erectile dysfunction.
  • The money I spent on the $22 mug helps fund an election campaign. It doesn’t go to pay legal fees for multiple criminal trials.
  • My $22 mug knows who won the 2020 Presidential Election.
  • My $22 mug knows what actually happened on January 6.
  • My $22 mug knows why Mike Pence isn’t running for VP.
  • My $22 mug minds its own damn business.
  • When my $22 mug is empty, it doesn’t blame it on “illegal aliens.”
  • To buy my $22 mug, I didn’t have to buy digital trading cards that gave me the opportunity to buy the mug if I also bought NFTs of the mug.
  • My $400 Apple Watch does everything the $100,000 watch would do, plus it tracks my exercise and heart rate, notifies me about incoming messages, and shows live scoring for my favorite sports teams. (Go Dodgers!) What it doesn’t do is launder money from foreign entities.
  • I only bought one $22 mug. I didn’t buy dozens of them so I could sit alone under an Easy-Up on the side of a busy thoroughfare so I can show everyone how devoted I am to a candidate by showing off all my mugs.
  • My $22 mug doesn’t drive me to spend my entire life savings and mortgage (and lose) our house because I believe a candidate is a good Christian family man sent by God to save America.
  • I can sip from my $22 mug while listening to Taylor Swift.
  • When my great-grandchildren find my $22 mug years from now, I won’t have to answer uncomfortable questions about why I supported someone who was clearly on the wrong side of history.
  • When women see my $22 mug, they won’t worry I will slip something into their mug.
  • My $22 mug tells people from marginalized communities they can be safe around me.
  • My $22 mug shows I care about protecting and furthering democracy.
  • My $22 mug shows I love America and want it to be great for everybody.
  • My $22 mug shows I chose joy and unity over fear and division.
  • My $22 mug is brat (whatever that is).
  • You can buy your own $22 mug here.

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