I’ve been highly critical of President Trump since he first took office in 2017. Perhaps I’ve been too unfair towards him. In the spirit of complying in advance shown by many politicians and media outlets, I’ve seen the errors of my ways. I realize what President Donald Trump really means. He means freedom!
Freedom to make America great again by unburdening us of useless stuff like civil rights, immigration, education, labor unions, the rule of law, free and fair elections, diplomacy, checks and balances, scientific research, freedom of speech, open trade, and a strong and growing middle class. Those things never benefited our country before, right?
Freedom from DEI. Mediocre white men shouldn’t lose opportunities to better qualified and more capable women and minorities.
Freedom for billionaires to make all the money they want. It takes hard work and determination to be born into generational wealth (usually through land theft and worker exploitation), get legacy acceptance into brand-name universities, be hired into a senior executive position in their father’s corporation ahead of more experienced and competent employees, and build a fortune through speculation and crushing competitors. Billionaires deserve all the benefits of society and not have to contribute to it by paying taxes.
Freedom from wokeness, which means we can be assholes to everyone.
Freedom of white people to use all the slurs. Including that one. With the hard R.
Freedom to bully any country to get the land and natural resources we want. We’ve done it for generations to Latin America, the Middle East, Asia, and Africa. Why not Canada and Europe?
Freedom for rich white men to commit any crime, even treason, and not face consequences.
Freedom to live in a bubble of your own reality and not be questioned or be bothered by annoyances like facts.
Freedom from LGBTQ+ people. If we’re too afraid to explore our own sexuality and gender identity, no one else should either.
Freedom to practice Christianity. We don’t mean Catholics, or Seventh-day Adventists, or Latter-day Saints, or those lame Protestant churches that actually follow the teachings of Jesus. We’re talking about our one specific megachurch where we cherry-pick scripture to condemn all the people we don’t like, have a youth pastor who was arrested for allegedly having certain photos of children on his laptop, and use our tithes to buy the senior pastor a new Gulfstream G800 because he can’t do the Lord’s work with the G500 he has now.
Freedom to make health decisions for you and your family. Choose not to vaccinate yourself or your children? Drink raw milk? Treat illnesses (including cancer) with herbal supplements, small doses of bleach, and prayer? Your body, your choice (unless you have a uterus capable of bearing children).
Freedom to drive a Tesla Cybertruck, when it isn’t in the shop for another recall.
Freedom for incels to have girlfriends without needing to develop a personality, manners, communication skills, respect for others, and hygiene that would make a woman want to spend time with them.
Freedom for our political leaders to deal with critics by having them dragged into unmarked black vans and never seen again.
Freedom to protect the cherished myths of our history. Christopher Columbus was a hero who proved the world was round. Our Foundering Fathers were all perfect. The Civil War was about states’ rights. Slavery was a necessary evil, and it gave Black people useful skills and Christianity. We did nothing wrong to the Native Americans or to Japanese Americans during World War II. Elvis invented rock and roll. With the possible exception of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (if you only focus on a few lines in that one speech), everything great in America was done by white men.
President Trump means freedom. As long as you obey him without question, you’re free.
