How can we be sympathetic to those who want to do us harm?

It’s a question we ask ourselves in the aftermath of the assassination attempt on former president Donald Trump. I attempted to answer this question in a TikTok video about the importance of empathy. But it is a subject that needs to be discussed in paragraphs, not sentences. (And without euphemisms and strange spellings to avoid displeasing an algorithm.) So, I’m talking more about why we should show empathy, even in the face of cruelty and hatred.

I’ll start with a recap of what I talked about in the video. Empathy is the core of who we are as humans. We are social animals. That’s why we developed language, communities, and civilizations. This would only be possible because of empathy. If we didn’t care about each other, society would instantly collapse. Countries where populations don’t have empathy for each other devolve into violence, which is accompanied by corruption and poverty.

This is the danger the United States is in today. If Democrats and Republicans both see each other as un-American, evil, and less than human, our country can turn into the same violent hellscape as Yemen, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and other war-torn places around the world. Neither side would win in a red vs blue bloodbath. We would all suffer.

While this is a fate we don’t want to see for our country, we have those among us who are hopeless and frustrated with their conditions, frightened that society is changing too quickly in ways they don’t understand, or entranced by a vision of utopia where everything is set right for them.

These people need our empathy the most.

They don’t need to be shamed for their thoughts and lectured to about why they should feel differently. They want to be listened to. They want us to hear their concerns, understand them, and take them seriously. And then, we can have a constructive discussion about how we can work together to solve our common problems.

This won’t be easy when there’s too much money to be made from division, and the powers that be benefit from us fighting among ourselves. But we are at the point where if we don’t pull back from this cliff, we will plunge into full-on violence and anarchy. This benefits no one—not the greediest oligarch, nor the most fanatical apocalyptic cultist, nor America’s worst enemy. And those who just want to watch the world burn will too be engulfed in the flames.

Our innate empathy enabled humanity to survive its worst crises. It’s the only thing that will save us now. We’re not showing empathy to be nice or polite. We’re doing it because it’s the only way all of us are going to make it out of this situation.

Update: July 16, 2024

After Saturday’s shock subsided, and I had time for further reflection, there are a few things I want to add.

Empathy doesn’t mean surrendering our most treasured values or offering our family, friends, or ourselves to be sacrificed in the name of peace. Empathy creates a space where we can show others why those values and people matter to them, too.

Empathy doesn’t mean we don’t defend ourselves if we’re attacked. Empathy can help us prevent those attacks by encouraging others to stand down from their aggression. And if they still intend to attack, we can delay them long enough to prepare an effective defense.

Empathy won’t work on those who don’t have empathy themselves. Some people are just cruel, hateful, and violent. They’re not interested in peace, but dominance. They see empathy as a weakness, or they use the empathy of others to manipulate them. We must not become those people. If we battle the inhumane by becoming inhumane ourselves, they win because we proved their point. Never surrender your humanity, even in the heat of battle. Our humanity will encourage others to join us, and our growing numbers will crush our inhumane foes. And when we win, empathy will enable us to build a more just and humane world for all.

I’ll end with something a character said in my novel, The Remainders, “[My mother] saw the worst in humanity, but she never lost faith and never stopped loving. She told me, ‘Magdalena, the world will crush you if you let it. Your only defense is kindness. Always be kind.’” Even with the dangers we all face, empathy is still the only thing that will save us.