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2004 Parody: I’m Getting Nothing for Christmas

You may have heard of the old Christmas song “I’m Getting Nothing for Christmas”. I’ve updated it to include some recent celebrity misdeeds and mishaps. (To hear the original song, go to:
http://www.prose-n-poetry.com/christmas_song/296)

Ron Artest:
I punched a fan up in the stands.
Somebody snitched on me.

Donald Rumsfeld:
I blamed the troops for my demands.
Somebody snitched on me.

John Kerry:
I got my butt kicked at the polls.

Bernard Kerik:
I had sex overlooking Ground Zero holes.

Janet Jackson:
I showed my boob at the Super Bowl.
Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:
Oh, I’m getting nothing for Christmas.
Mommy and Daddy are mad.
I’m getting nothing for Christmas
‘Cause I have been nothing but bad.

Martha Stewart:
I cheated on that ImClone deal.
Somebody snitched on me.

Dan Rather:
I said that fake memo was real.
Somebody snitched on me like blow flies on a dead cat.

Barry Bonds:
I took “cream” to hit like Willie Mays.

Oliver Stone:
I said that Alexander’s gay.

Scott Peterson:
I threw my wife and kid into the bay.
Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:
Oh, I’m getting nothing for Christmas.
Mommy and Daddy are mad.

Howard Stern:
I’m not getting [an FCC-banned word] for Christmas.

Chorus:
‘Cause I have been nothing but bad.

Michael Moore:
Santa Claus will pass me by.
Fox News snitched on me.

Mel Gibson:
No Golden Globes for you and I.
Somebody snitched on me.

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth from “The Apprentice”:
Next year, I will act polite.

Ashlee Simpson:
I will learn to lip sync right
If they let me back on “Saturday Night”.
Somebody snitched on me.

Chorus:
I’m getting nothing for Christmas.

Robert Blake:
Unless someone takes my attorney’s ThinkPad.

Chorus:
I’m getting nothing for Christmas
‘Cause I have been nothing but bad.

Chorus:
You better be good whatever you do.

Tucker Carlson:
Or Jon Stewart will make fun of you.

Chorus:
And you won’t get nothing for Christmas.