Thirty-five years ago, I made a beautiful woman a promise: “I promise to take you as my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.” Although we solemnize such words by calling it a vow and making it in front of a religious or legal authority, it’s still only as good as our willingness to keep our word.
And I dedicated myself to keeping my word.
As a child, I experienced the consequences of when someone doesn’t keep their word, and earning Eagle Scout reinforced the importance of “a man’s word is his bond.” My marriage of 35 years (and counting) also showed the power of keeping a promise.
The promise enabled my wife and me to start a family. We raised two children to adulthood and watched them form relationships of their own. We had the unexpected gift of a grandchild and the joy of watching her grow into adolescence. We’ve bought a family home, built savings, made sure we never become burdens for our children, and worked to leave them a legacy. Even my personal endeavors wouldn’t have gone as far without the support and advice of my wife. She’s kept me from making dumb mistakes and has given me encouragement. Family gave me a purpose when things were at their darkest. Keeping a promise has provided me with more than I could ever have hoped to achieve on my own.
Keeping a promise doesn’t guarantee things will be easy. We’ve had our arguments and disappointments with each other. We’ve suffered through illnesses, injuries, job woes, and family conflicts. But keeping a promise gives us a reason to work through them instead of giving up. We don’t walk away when times are hard. And by sticking in and working them out, we came out stronger from the experiences.
It shouldn’t be controversial that doing good things often leads to good results. But we have people in this country who want to revert marriage from a promise between equals to a prison where a man dominates a subservient woman. Those people should remember that before no-fault divorce, women had other options for escaping abusive and disloyal husbands, as some country songs attest to.
Keeping a promise requires men to grow, something those “based alpha chad” manosphere podcasters don’t want to talk about. I took care of my health so I could be there for my wife when we got older. It has gotten me through challenges I couldn’t have imagined myself going through. I found reservoirs of strength and skills I didn’t know I had. Knowing someone will always be there in the morning when I wake up and greeting me when I get home from a long day of work gives me comfort and belonging.
Men wouldn’t be going through a “loneliness epidemic” if they didn’t put in the effort to make themselves better people—not just so they can find a mate, but so they could be happier with themselves. I had a lot of growing to do before I could find the woman who became my wife and be the partner she deserves. Part of that growing was keeping a promise and treating my word as my bond. My life has been more fulfilling and successful as a result. And I can’t wait to see what that promise will bring in the years to come.
Related topics:
How to be married for 25 years
What I learned from earning Eagle Scout
When your younger brother turns 50…
Advice to fathers
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