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2015 Parody: American Pie

Original American Pie 45 single (image from Flickr)

Fortunately, this parody only comes in one part.

Yes, this song has been parodied before (and so well that Don McLean himself has accidentally sung the lyrics). With all the crazy stuff that happened this year, “American Pie” is the only song that can cover it all. (And with a few weeks left to this year, who knows what other crazy stuff can still happen?) This song takes a while, so sit back and enjoy.

[Intro]
A long, long time ago…
(You can’t start an “American Pie” parody without those lines.)
I can still remember when I showed my kids The Lion King.
I don’t recall if my tears increased
When Mufasa got killed by the wildebeests,
But at least they had catchy songs to sing.

Then news that made my eyelids narrow:
Some dentist with a bow and arrow
And Ted Nugent wish fulfilling.
He gave a lion a drilling.

I can’t remember if I cried
When he made a throw rug with his hide,
But something burned me deep inside
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
So, bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

[Verse 1]
Do you remember the Super Bowl
When New England and Brady seemed to take control?
They let out a little air.
While Katy Perry danced around the park
With a big metal tiger and a clumsy shark
And the roars and fireworks everywhere.

Well the President does the best he can
Cutting deals with Cuba and treaties with Iran.
The Congress was not amused.
Neither was Netanyahu-oooh!

You can feel the Bern or join the GOP
With candidates on the verge of lunacy.
We prayed for an end to this insanity
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
I started singing, bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

[Verse 2]
The Windsors went to the nursery,
The Sterns have a silver anniversary,
And Avengers were a hit again.
The Court upheld Obamacare
And said gays can marry everywhere
Except when Kim Davis wields her pen.

While Chargers and Raiders sought to leave their towns,
American Pharoah won his Triple Crown.
Divorce lawyers found themselves in bliss
With that hacked Ashley Madison list.

#JeSuisCharlie, #BlackLivesMatter, but that
Matters less to some than a great big cat,
And some God-given right to fire off their gat
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
We were singing bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

[Verse 3]
A Star Wars sequel came into view
With a grayed Han Solo and beach-ball R2.
Water flows on Mars, they say.
Financial troubles roiled the Greeks,
And Apple Watch was snatched up by the geeks
With a song from Tim Cook and Dr. Dre.

TLC was schooled by blows
From scandals on their reality shows.
A Duggar kid molested,
But he never was arrested.

While Cosby’s legal troubles mount
As the victims tell us about their accounts,
Duggars’ 19 kids are down for the count
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
We started singing bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

[Verse 4]
ISIS, Charleston, Tennessee,
The jerk who killed his colleagues on live TV,
The West dried up and burning fast,
And Jared from Subway who earned our scorn
‘Cause he gets his six-inch from child porn.
While John Boehner quit his speaker job at last.

Letterman, Stewart, and Stephen Colbert
All stepped away from their hosting chairs.
We don’t care about network tricks.
We’re binge watching on Netflix.

Then Miley Cyrus and Nicki Minaj
On the VMAs where they bared their claws.
Their next hits will trash each other’s flaws
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
They were singing bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

[Outro]
I wanted some news that won’t bum me out.
I asked Brian Williams thinking he had clout.
He made up stuff and walked away.
When it seemed the world would fall apart,
Pluto showed us its great big heart,
And don’t forget the Special Olympics in L.A.

Then Parisians died and Bobbi Kristina passed.
Roddy can’t chew bubble gum or kick ass.
The South admitted they were defeated,
And Hillary’s emails were deleted.

And the men who made my whole world rock,
B.B. King and Mr. Spock
Left on the last boat from the dock
The day the lion died.

[Chorus]
They were singing bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.
That’s the day the poor lion died.

One more time for Roman Hruska!

Bye, bye to two-zero-one-five
When Trump dumped on everybody, but his campaign’s alive.
Cait’s free to be a woman, but just don’t let her drive.
‘Cause that’s the day the poor lion died.

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